Critique for Erin
Hey! Let me start off by saying that I really like the idea behind your screenplay. However, there were some things that I had a problem with, mostly the dialogue. I know dialogue is hard to write without being cheesy (every critique I’ve gotten has said that :P) but its still important to make it sound more realistic. A lot of your dialogue just sounded unnatural. And, when the kid wakes up and realizes he’s been given a second chance, he kind of overdoes it. Honestly, if that happened to me, instead of being super happy and nice, I would probably be really confused and cautious. Like, not knowing what’s going on, but at the same time attempting to avoid all the same mistakes I made in the first one. I’m not saying that I don’t like how you did it, I’m just suggesting this as something to think about. Good luck finishing it up!
Make this better, please.
